Write two descriptions of yourself for an online dating service. First, be the kind of girl who’d be taken home to meet the mother. Then try a hot, sexy version.
Before I get started, let me give a bit of background. I have been with the same guy for over 6 years and have never put out a personal ad. Because of this, I have no idea what exactly a statement of this kind should include. So I went to the first place I could think of: the personals section of Craigslist. Let me tell you, there are some crazies in LA.
First of all, no one looking for dates in this city has any grasp of English grammar. No wonder it’s so hard for them to find somebody. Seriously, if you don’t know the difference between gentlemen and a gentleman, you are going to have some trouble finding “The One,” especially if you are looking for multiple.
Also, some people are just so funny over the internet. One girl wanted to order a man online, another wanted someone to spend $100 on her and not “really conversate,” and yet another girl has been trying to find a fellow to watch the sunset with all summer. The last one isn’t funny, it’s just sad. Actually, all of these are sad.
With all my research under my belt, I think I’m ready to write my very own (and very first) personal ad.
As a wife-able girl
I’m a 5′ 6″ Caucasian female, but I’m not what you would consider “white.” If you know where the Caucuses are, hit me up, because I have a thing for intellectuals. I like to spend a lot of time exercising, at the gym or outdoors, so I’m looking for a guy who can conquer mountains with me and can put up with all my cheesiness. If you love to eat, you’re in luck, because I’m a great cook and baker. In my free time, I like to write, read and watch T.V., so that’s pretty average. I bet you like to watch T.V. too. I’m low maintenance and my ideal night includes eating burgers, drinking beer and then maybe catching a movie afterwards. P.S. I’ll let you watch Sunday football.
As a sexy girl
Athletic girl here, with long brunette hair that you can twirl around your fingers. I like to read, because reading is sexy, at least to Ryan Gosling. Can you be the Ryan Gosling to my Rachel McAdams? We can recreate that rain scene by the lake together. And then I’ll make you breakfast in bed, because I’m an awesome cook. Yes, hot girls can cook too. In my spare time, I like to lounge on the beach in my bikini, drink margaritas, and party. I’m sure you can get down with my scene.
If anything, this exercise made me really really grateful that I’m in a long-term relationship and don’t have to worry about all this dating nonsense. Because apparently, I suck at writing personal ads and would probably never find a boyfriend in the wild. I also had a lot of trouble thinking of anything interesting to say about myself, which is weird, because I actually have a lot of cool stories to share at parties. Either way, I still don’t think I would be very successful in the dating world. Dear book, thanks for making me appreciate my boyfriend. I owe ya one.